Christmas

So I'm home in Texas for the holidays.

I probably will be getting a white Christmas! Snow in El Paso?!

Things were a bit weird at the start but are now going smoothly (knock on wood). While I'm here i'll be attempting to make myself a set of synthetic dreads to wear. I've been feeling like I need a change and that seemed like the easiest thing (and least permanent) thing to do.

I'll also be designing a new tattoo for my mother (and perhaps one for me) as well as beginning work on the dragon design and a few other projects. Since tomorrow there might be enough snow to keep me inside, I probably will end up working on a few things throughout the day.

I'll most likely be posting pictures of family things for a few days.

Honey

Finally.

This has been one of the hardest assignments I've had to complete thus far in my time at AAU. I'm proud to say that if I fix a few unintentional watermarks that this will be considered for Spring Show at my school. Hurrah!

The text around the mandala reads: Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.

I was surprised that I was able to pull-off the text in this.

Only three more days left and then I'm free to sleep (FOR DAYS!)

Remember. Vegetables and eggnog

Chocolate Pudding

Yes, I am eating chocolate pudding as we speak. I am also watching The Girl Who Play With Fire and painting for a Color and Design final. Lucky me.

I figure if I paint till about 4 AM I should have enough time to sleep and be refreshed for critique tomorrow and a test. Finals are this week and it's just a lot going on. One thing after another. As it usually goes, I guess.

As soon as break starts I'll probably be working on a collab project. I'll start posting some ideas on here and hopefully take it onto my own character design. I've been asked to design a shape for the project but this could really work as my own thing. Good things are coming.

Hopefully when I have a solid body of work I'll be able to launch a professional website. In the mean time all I can do is work.

It's getting colder here and I can't help but think of the different kind of cold that'll be greeting me when I get home. The kind of cold that makes my lips and knuckles crack painfully. I'll have to load up on lotion when I get to Texas. Should be fine though. At least I get to see my family.

Gotta continue painting.

Be good and eat your vegetables.

Figures

Just a few random things.

Should really upload some drawings I've done in class. I will eventually.

The last few weeks we lost two roommates. But today (WOO!) our final roommate moved in. We are now a house of 5 again and the group of us seem to fit really well. I'm actually watching a movie with my roommates, something I wasn't keen on doing before (of course with my roommate jaey and the boyfriend). The other two I did not enjoy it. Finally, I can do this. Without cringing and wishing it was someone else. I am happy in this house. YES. Happy with my roommates, happy with how things are turning out. Of course it's early but for now it's all good. I can only take it one day at a time and i'm totally fine with that. There's really no point in freaking out over the future.

Finals are starting and I'm already feeling the stress. In addition to my actual final projects I work this month as well. Not a lot but sometimes you just don't wanna work 5 hours of the day when you could be painting, writing, drawing or typing my heart out for my online assignments.

I'm gonna have to get ahead with some portfolio content this winter. I already am working on a dragon design for a collab project and I do have my worries about it, but this is something that can really go in my portfolio. For now I just gotta do it, I guess.

Seriously can't wait to go home for christmas. I need my dose of Texas. A few other things might happen this winter but that remains to be seen.

Brain Matter

I can't tell you that I'm the smartest, the strongest, funniest, or wisest person. I couldn't tell you that I'm the bravest or most out-spoken (and to this day these two faults still cause problems in personal relationships. Or, rather not problems, but perhaps annoyances). But I can also be a good friend. I can't prove that to some anymore, those few who refuse to believe that I am nothing but a "bossy... childish... manipulative... cunt".

If you read that last bit and agree with this completely astonishingly spiteful, bitter and insulting opinion of me, then you have no place in my life. Period. I can be loyal but only if loyalty is given in return. I can have respect and trust for you but only if it is reciprocated. I am not the "Go to" friend that you only go to when you break up with your boyfriends and girlfriends, when you suddenly decide you are bored of the people in your life and think of me as "the back up". I have never been, am not, and never will be "the back up plan".

Whenever a fight ensues with someone and the end finally comes, I pocket the feelings. The stress, the grief, the happiness from the memories of the good parts of the friendship, and other feelings. And it feels heavy. So very heavy. It's hard to forget it sometimes and I am almost coaxed into pulling it back out into the open and starting new again. But with some that can't happen. So I leave it all there, it becomes something you get used to and every once in a while I go back and I think: "Ah... that." And it's fine.

With anyone I've ever ended a friendship with there are reasons as to why. Things I hated about them, things that caused me such pain and grief, things that outright disgusted me... but there are the things I loved about them too. And those are the things I don't regret being around. Today I'm happy with the family of friends that I have, for the moment. It is enough. I can do without the drama, I can do without love triangles, hate triangles, Bermuda triangles and acute triangles. I can live without grinding teeth, raised voices, spiteful remarks, avoidance, and any hell spawn attitude (including but not limited to spiked tongues of slander, bulging eyes of judgement, horns of pain and talons that rip your soul apart).

The past few days have been weird (including racing heartbeats, tears and a few doctor appointments). While encouragement and care from my friends is always welcome and appreciated, I need to take care of myself for now. No one can do it for me. I've know this for a long time but haven't acted on that knowledge. "Practice makes perfect" as they say. For now I have to get my life in check, call family often,  realize what friends mean most to me, maintain and nurture those relationships, maintain my grades in school and my overall health.

For now, I'm ok.

Be good and eat your vegetables.